I have been fortunate to have had many friends over the years. I was very good at sharing adventures with my pals, supporting them in difficult times and celebrating with them. But something was missing. I did not share my deep feelings or needs with them. Do you ever do that?
I don’t remember the event that caused me to change. But I am grateful that I did. I stepped out of self-reliance and into deeper friendships.
I began to mention the challenging situations as well as the good ones.
Their reactions? Well, I should not have been surprised, but most of my friends did not run away. Or even back away slowly.
Gazing at the world through my lens of independence, I had not considered they might want to know me better. They were just as eager to help as I was.
Our friendships deepened. I experienced the truth of this quote:
“Friendship is born
at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was
the only one.”
– C.S. Lewis
Does sharing challenges sound scary, or maybe selfish? Well, it was scary for me. So, I started small, initially just sharing minor challenges.
When people were interested, I shared a little bit more. I started answering honestly when asked how I was.
Until I was not scared anymore.
I stepped out of self-reliance and into deeper friendships.
I will admit initially I thought a good friend just wanted to help; mentioning any need I had was selfish.
What I discovered was sharing challenges or needs is not selfish. It allows us to do what God has intended. This may be hard to believe, but let’s look at the truth in these verses:
” 3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NLT)
If we pray as we go through difficulties and are alert, we will see God providing comfort. When our friends share their difficult times with us, we can share His comfort with them. And, in doing so we are not only helping them but sharing the goodness of God.
Their lives can become easier and their faith strengthened. They, in turn, can do the same for others. Now that is a cycle that I want to be part of. How about you?
There still is room for a lot of laughter and fun in a friendship; room for celebrating and for adventures. Much of the time, it is smooth sailing in our lives. Supportive friends can cheer on each other.
This verse sheds some light on how important it is to have help when you need it.
“9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT)
Once you let your friend know that you have a need or have fallen, they can help. The outcome is usually better if we get help in a difficult situation.
But what does this mean?
It can mean just listening. It is good to be heard.
Words of understanding or just the right Bible verse can make a huge difference.
My faith, that might be flickering under fear or stress, grows stronger. I can take in life-giving oxygen.
I experienced this when a family member suffered from a debilitating illness for many years. I had friends who walked with me.
Their daily texts and prayers breathed life into me. They pointed me back to our powerful God.
I had other friends who lived close by. They prayed with me in person.
Sometimes it felt like my friends were carrying me. When I felt overwhelmed, they lovingly persisted in helping. Like our verse says, if I had fallen alone, I would have been in real trouble.
I have been fortunate to be able to do the same for others.
My light can shine brighter when I am helped by my friends. Because of my increased faith and their help, I can experience joy even in difficult times. I shine with a light that people notice.
It makes people ask how I can be so happy right now. I can point them not to my friends, but to the One that they remind me of. They can be encouraged as I share how they can move forward in hope.
Would you like to give stepping out of self-reliance and into deeper friendships a try?
Photo credits: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash, Mimi Thian on Unsplash and Rémi Walle on Unsplash